Subsidization of the Stay at Home Mom/Wife

This is an issue I've been thinking about for a while, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. The scenario goes like this: a couple decides, for religious reasons usually, that the woman should not hold an outside job. In the case of a mother, she takes care of the children, and perhaps even homeschools them.

The family's income, based on solely the man's income, is low enough so that the woman/children qualify and use governmental programs that pay for all or part of their housing, medical care, food, other needs, etc. If the woman exercised her ability to work, the family would earn enough money to cover those needs on their own, and still pay for child care. Should working wives/mothers subsidize those who choose not to work as a lifestyle choice?

I, generally, am for subsidies that promote societal well-being. And I think that at least in the case of the mother, there is perhaps an argument to be made that a mother at home full-time can devote more resources to ensuring the children are getting what they need to become productive citizens. And I certainly think that subsidies for child care for working parents should be more available to those who need them (think working mothers coming off of welfare, for starters.)

On the other hand, to be frank, to work or not work outside the home is in very many cases, a lifestyle choice, perhaps inspired by religion. Why should I, as a working mother/citizen, subsidize the religious/lifestyle choices of others in society, especially when I do not personally subscribe to the religious interpretations that back up that choice? Shouldn't we be responsible for how our individual lifestyle choices impact our family's well-being?

So, I could lean either way on this issue. One thing I do know for certain: I get very tired of stay-at-home women preaching that it is wrong for women to work outside the home.....and then proceed to explain that you too can afford to stay home if you apply for this service, and that program, and so on. Those services exist, at least in part, because of working women's tax dollars. Tax dollars that wouldn't exist if everyone heeded their commandments and stayed at home.

One thing I sometimes see is the belief that if all women stayed at home, men's salaries would rise. That may have been true in the past, but I don't think it's true now. Tell Corporate America "Okay, you need to fire the lowest-paid half of your workforce, double the salary of the remaining half, and pay double to anyone new that you hire." I'm guessing that most companies would respond "Gee, I here that Mexico/India/China has bunches of folks dying to work for $1 a day. See ya, suckers!"

I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts on the subject.

Pwned! Baby Shower Games

First of all, for those of you not quite as geeky as me, pwned is computer-gamer speak for owned, which is slang for describing the kicking of something's ass, literally or figuratively.

I was at a baby shower on Saturday, and we played the "get the safety pins out of the bowl of rice while blindfolded" and the "guess the baby food by appearance only" games. I won both. Hee hee! I feel the need to brag only because I never win at games like that, so it was really unexpected.

The baby shower was very nice - the food was pretty good, and everyone was friendly. The bride is due in less than 2 weeks, and she looked ready to pop. I was almost afraid to hug her for fear I'd kickstart her contractions if I pressed on her tummy.

Family BBQs in the rain

Every summer, my extended family has a BBQ to celebrate all of the summer birthdays for the year. Normally, my parents host this BBQ, and I host Thanksgiving. This year, my parents are remodeling their kitchen, so I agreed to trade "events" with them.

Dh and I picked the date for the BBQ as yesterday, after coordinating everyone else's schedule on a calendar and choosing from what was left. We weren't really concerned about rain since MN is in a drought and we've had barely any rain all summer.

Cue rain. All. Week. Long. Including yesterday. Which explains why I was outside on my deck, in the rain, hunching over a smoking gas grill cooking ribs and burgers. The ribs, which were mostly cooked in the oven, then just finished for taste on the grill, were delicious.

The burgers were way too rare. Between grill smoke, grill steam, and actual rain on my glasses, I couldn't see them very well and I misjudged when to take them off. Anyone that knows me knows that all meat products must be very obviously DEAD before I will eat them (NO pink!) so my microwave came in handy.

Tip for heating/reheating burgers in the microwave: Put them on a plate, and pour enough water on the plate to cover the bottom. The burgers will cook evenly (in fact, I can attest that you can take a medium rare burger and cook it to well done) and they will NOT dry out. You won't lose any delicious burger taste this way either. YUM!

So, family members were supposed to bring things to the BBQ, which was to start at 2 PM. My parents were 1 hour late! And they live only 10 minutes away! I was pretty angry.....I mean, all the rest of us were starving. I have a pretty high tolerance for tardiness as I am not the most prompt person myself, but an hour! And they didn't even call to let us know when they'd be there.

Skirts only baloney

On a message board I frequent, there's often a debate/discussion on whether "good" Christian women should only wear skirts or dresses. I generally stay out of those arguments because either they're a case of preaching to the choir (threads with only skirts-only women participating) or they become heated and not-quite rational. In any case, I don't see any need to get involved in those threads. It's not been my experience that they actually change any minds one way or the other.

For some reason lately, though, this argument has "gotten my goat." (Unrelated sidenote - what on earth does that mean?)

The arguments I've seen for skirts only generally go as such:

1. Deu 22:5 A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.
2. God doesn't change; therefore, we must continue to follow the commandment shown in #1.
3. Women are commanded to dress modestly in many verses of the Bible.
4. In this country, women wore skirts/dresses largely until WWII/the evil feminists took over/the sexual revolution.
5. Women wearing pants try to usurp authority from men or act male, or actually want to be men.
6. You should be able to tell from a distance (of course, undefined) who is a man and who is a woman by the clothing they wear, but the clothing is not supposed to show body shape closely; thus, the need for very distinct forms of dress.

Okay - I think I've gotten the most common arguments out. Now, my take on them:

First - #1 and #2. Okay, sure, the nature and substance of God doesn't change. However, it is pretty clear that God does change what it is that he expects of us - this is why we have an Old Testament and a New Testament.

I have said this before, and I'll say it again - you can either follow OT rules for salvation or NT rules. Personally, I choose the NT rules. Why? Well, I'm not throwing Christ's sacrifice in His face that way.

Also, have you looked at some of the OT rules? Seriously.....how about Deu 22:8 - have you built a parapet around your roof to prevent others from falling? Deu 22:11 - do you wear mixed fiber clothing? Deu 22:13 - 21 - are you comfortable murdering your daughter if her new husband doesn't like her, claims she wasn't a virgin when they married, and you don't have a bloody sheet for proof?

Oh, but what about just the OT rules for clothing? Well, see the mixed fiber thing above. Also, according to Numbers 15:38-40, we should make tassels with blue cords on the corners of our garments so that we can look at them and overcome our sinful natures. How many of the skirts-only women do that? My guess is very very few. And why? Because it is not necessary anymore - it's a commandment with no force for those of us who are saved by Jesus.

Okay - item #3 - modesty. This is a tricky one. We aren't supposed to run around naked...I get that. What I want to know is where in the New Testament (because I do not need to follow OT dictates - see above) it says "Pants on women are immodest." *flip, flip, flip* Gee, it's not there. Sure, pants can be immodest....so can skirts and dresses. Being immodest but still clothed is possible in just about any form of clothing if you really want to do so. I could take a tent from the garage and wrap it around my body in such a way that I would still be immodest.

On to item #4 - the evil feminists. First a side commentary - I find it sadly amusing how all feminists are tarred with the "man-hating, wanting-to-be-men" brush, even by women who enjoy some of the results of the feminist movement, such as the right to vote, the right to own property in their own name, the right to divorce (another hot button topic and one I won't get into right now), the right to refuse "medical care" (lobotomies and/or time spent in the looney bin) even if their husbands think it will stop them from nagging.....and so on. Okay, where was I?

Oh yes.

Firstly, let's say that the timing of this argument is exactly right. Women did start wearing pants in this country around the same time as the above-mentioned events.

So what?

My point is, if we're talking about a Biblical mandate that has stood for centuries, current or near-current events do not matter. Either there's a Biblical mandate or there isn't. The sexual revolution did not suddenly add appendices to the Bible to cover new events that occurred.

Item #5 - Women usurping the role meant for men. First of all, the Bible gives specific roles for women in certain relationships, but not in all areas. For instance, it is not forbidden for a woman to be the authority in a mathematics classroom by any Biblical mandate. Secondly, usurpation (is that even a word?) is a behavior, not a form of dress. I can nag and browbeat my hubby to death in a ball gown, or a dress from Little House on the Prairie.

As far as women wanting to be men or hating men....this is wild and fearfully inaccurate speculation. Sure, there probably are women who wish they were men, and vice versa. But when I put on a nice pantsuit or a pair of jeans, I am not expressing a wish to be a man. I don't want to be a man. I'm not expressing a wish to be masculine - rough and tough and wrestling and burping. (By the way, that wrestling and burping stuff isn't male - it's just obnoxious, for either gender.) Nor am I expressing hatred of men. I like men, and in particular, I love my dh.

Lastly, on to #6. Let's see where it says this in the Bible. *flip, flip, flip* Lookee, it's not there either. Suggesting that this is a Biblical mandate is adding to the Bible - that's a big no-no.

Also, do you really think that if the lady pictured above was walking in front of you on the street, you wouldn't know she's female?

I have no problem with anyone who wishes to wear skirts only. I do have an issue with saying that it's a Biblical directive for Christian women to follow.

Busy Saturday

Well, this is my week off between class sessions. (And btw, I got A's in all three classes - woohoo me!) So I've been trying to get a bunch of stuff caught up or done ahead this week. I won't get done half of what I'd like to get done, but anything is better than nothing. So far, I've put 3 dinners in the freezer, stained a window (the trim) and rag-painted the front door. And done laundry. I need to do MORE laundry. Forever.

For lunch today, I made enchiladas for the first time. I used some leftover shredded chicken, mexican cheese, chili powder tomatoes, and pinto beans for the filling. They weren't a total failure but they weren't a hit either. They squarely fall in the category of "I'll have to try that again and see if I can make it better." They are a great and economical use of leftover meat.

This picture obviously isn't from today, but it's still a good estimation of what Nugget looked like after lunch. Get thee to the tub, baby!

Money and Self-Righteousness

A few of the blogs I frequent had been engaging in an ongoing discussion about being frugal vs. being a spendthrift vs. being stingy. It's been an interesting discussion and something that I've spent some time thinking about. One of the unfortunate aspects of my personality is that I tend to get a little obsessive with new behaviors for a while, and end up needing to rein myself back in.

First, a definition of terms, from the Meangoose Dictionary:

Frugal: seeking a good deal for things you value
Spendthrift: a person that makes unwise purchases that actually harm themselves or their family, either by accumulating "bad" debt or cluttering up their house with junk
Stingy: obsessively seeking to pay as little as possible in an attempt to hoard money and other resources, without regard to the harm inflicted on yourself or others

For awhile, I got on what I thought was a frugality kick. I freaked out about getting the lowest price on everything. I thought very cranky thoughts when my sweetie brought home some delicious but non-generic treat or quick meal. I spent minutes in the toothbrush aisle in the grocery store, searching for the least expensive brush, and then actually felt guilty that I didn't buy the 6 for $1 pack of brushes.

That wasn't frugality....that was stingy. How much of my time did I waste obsessing about cheap toothbrushes? What silly resentment did I allow to spill over due to the delicious but $6 California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza? And how many unkind thoughts and self-righteous pats on the back did I deliver when I was mentally comparing myself to those, you-know-who, foolish spendthrift shoppers, and congratulating myself on my oh-so-wise ways in comparison to their foolish waste.

Here's the thing: if you are harming others by your monetary decisions, that's wrong. If you feel somehow superior to others that make decisions different than yours, that's wrong. Money has become an idol for you - something more important than the commandment that we are expected to follow - Love thy neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)

There's nothing wrong with getting a good deal, especially when it's a necessity for your family, or when you enjoy the thrill of the hunt. There's nothing wrong with making a profit on the resale of an item - you're providing a valuable service to someone by finding and advertising said item.

There is something wrong with saying, "Oh, my shopping habits prove *I* am not "of the world." Those Macy's shoppers, those who use a credit card and pay full price, they are unrighteous but I'm righteous." No, you're self-righteous, not to mention, insufferably snotty if you feel that way.

Now, if you're actually harming someone to make a profit, well, that's obviously wrong. Here's the thing....you're never going to be able to do that yard-saleing and thrift-shopping. You'd need to be able to control a market in order to do this, and you're not going to get that power no matter how many designer-outfits-for-resale you snag at the Goodwill.

Likewise...if you're taking the grocery money and spending it on a designer purse, or hiding debt from your spouse....that's wrong. You're endangering your family with your spending choices. And if you're looking down on those who shop at thrift stores or wear used clothing, regardless of whether it's truly a necessity for them or a choice, well, you're being a snot there too.

Being the Kid at Work and Dancing with Furballs

This week has been an interesting and difficult one at work. My job is, in part, to work on system changes requested by the business areas of my employer. To make a long story short, the person that requested and approved the changes I'm currently working on has left the company. No one attended my design session a few months ago, but this week, suddenly, when it's too late to change anything, everyone and their mother has "feedback" for me. After my 2nd meeting like that this week, I just sat and my desk and literally shook. Thankfully it was a telephone conference, so no one got to watch me shake, but still, it was pretty sad.

I've realized that some of this is probably because I'm so much younger than the others in my group. Most of them have at minimum 15 years on me. I have a 1 year old....their kids are in college; that kind of thing. So, I still have a lot to learn, and they have to chill out a little and realize that I'm young but not entirely stupid. Sometimes, it's frustrating to be the "kid," but I had outgrown my old position, and now I have a challenge and an opportunity to learn.

My house is a mess. Between work, schoolwork, the one-year-old, several doctor/dentist appointments, and other matters....well, the cats have taken over, and I think they're trying to "grow" new cats by depositing large chunks of fur everywhere, and waiting for one to develop a genetic mutation and keep growing. Off to the battle for my home!

Busy Busy Busy Avoiding my Work

Well, I'm trying to swing being a mom, a wife, a full time exempt employee, and a 10-credit hour student all at the same time. I have no clean pants. Go figure.

I am sitting here avoiding doing my algebra homework. It's not bad enough that I have to relearn algebra after 10 years...but now I have to write a paper on the history of algebra. As if........

Easter Realizations

Well, here it is Easter, and time for the beginnings of new things, new life, new ways of looking at the world. What have I realized today?

I've been a member of a conservative Bible-based forum for maybe two years now. Now....I am not conservative, at least not in the matter of politics. I would say that in my own personal life, I'm pretty conservative. I would also say that I have no interest nor argument with what goes on in another person's bedroom unless it involves a child, an animal, or a vulnerable adult, for an example.

I recently was pretty darn cranky to one of the posters on the board. Just like on the far left, on the far right, there's a group of folks that are anti-vaccine, anti-science, anti-medicine, anti-public education, anti-work-for-wages (well, on the right, that's for women specifically.) I admit these folks drive me right up the wall. There's one woman on the board that I feel lately has been making snide little backwards comments about the "not-wacko" (IMO) crowd, and I recently posted a mean little message about her after she posted a mean little message about one of the other "non-wackos" on the board.

I was in the grocery store last frigid Friday, and saw a woman in a mini-skirt, no nylons, and knee-high f**k-me boots. Yeah, you know the kind of boots I'm talking about. I thought to myself, "Whore."

I think about people who won't work, and yet want everything handed to them. Oh, but only them. No assistance for anyone who wants/needs something different than their particular situation would allow for. After all, they're making a principled stand; these other folks are lazy and/or irresponsible. I think "Hypocrite."

I realized today that since joining this site I have learned how to be much, much nicer to my husband, but meaner to almost everyone else. More judgemental toward everyone else. This is not who I want to be.

I am not blaming the ladies on this site; I control my actions. I am responsible for my thoughts and my deeds. I do worry, however, that I have been allowing myself to be influenced to focus on outward aspects of other people, i.e., what they dress like, who they're around, how they obtain their money. I do not want this to be the sum of my interaction with the world around me.

I realize that I do need discernment. After all, I certainly am not going to dress like the mini-skirt lady (yeah, yeah, if for no other reason than I have no desire to get hypothermia on my thighs.) And maybe, if I have a daughter one day, I won't want her to dress like that. (Actually I know I won't; after all, I am my own best example of how judgemental people can be.) But I know nothing about that lady. She may be a whore. She may be someone with daring fashion sense, no fear about judgement from others, and a monogamous mother of twenty. Who exactly am I to judge? I am not qualified. There is only One who is qualified.

So what am I going to do, to make a new beginning for myself? I'm not sure yet. I think this requires more reflection and study. But I'm pretty sure that I am supposed to be kind to more than just my own family. So I guess I will have to start there.