Being the Kid at Work and Dancing with Furballs

This week has been an interesting and difficult one at work. My job is, in part, to work on system changes requested by the business areas of my employer. To make a long story short, the person that requested and approved the changes I'm currently working on has left the company. No one attended my design session a few months ago, but this week, suddenly, when it's too late to change anything, everyone and their mother has "feedback" for me. After my 2nd meeting like that this week, I just sat and my desk and literally shook. Thankfully it was a telephone conference, so no one got to watch me shake, but still, it was pretty sad.

I've realized that some of this is probably because I'm so much younger than the others in my group. Most of them have at minimum 15 years on me. I have a 1 year old....their kids are in college; that kind of thing. So, I still have a lot to learn, and they have to chill out a little and realize that I'm young but not entirely stupid. Sometimes, it's frustrating to be the "kid," but I had outgrown my old position, and now I have a challenge and an opportunity to learn.

My house is a mess. Between work, schoolwork, the one-year-old, several doctor/dentist appointments, and other matters....well, the cats have taken over, and I think they're trying to "grow" new cats by depositing large chunks of fur everywhere, and waiting for one to develop a genetic mutation and keep growing. Off to the battle for my home!

Busy Busy Busy Avoiding my Work

Well, I'm trying to swing being a mom, a wife, a full time exempt employee, and a 10-credit hour student all at the same time. I have no clean pants. Go figure.

I am sitting here avoiding doing my algebra homework. It's not bad enough that I have to relearn algebra after 10 years...but now I have to write a paper on the history of algebra. As if........

Easter Realizations

Well, here it is Easter, and time for the beginnings of new things, new life, new ways of looking at the world. What have I realized today?

I've been a member of a conservative Bible-based forum for maybe two years now. Now....I am not conservative, at least not in the matter of politics. I would say that in my own personal life, I'm pretty conservative. I would also say that I have no interest nor argument with what goes on in another person's bedroom unless it involves a child, an animal, or a vulnerable adult, for an example.

I recently was pretty darn cranky to one of the posters on the board. Just like on the far left, on the far right, there's a group of folks that are anti-vaccine, anti-science, anti-medicine, anti-public education, anti-work-for-wages (well, on the right, that's for women specifically.) I admit these folks drive me right up the wall. There's one woman on the board that I feel lately has been making snide little backwards comments about the "not-wacko" (IMO) crowd, and I recently posted a mean little message about her after she posted a mean little message about one of the other "non-wackos" on the board.

I was in the grocery store last frigid Friday, and saw a woman in a mini-skirt, no nylons, and knee-high f**k-me boots. Yeah, you know the kind of boots I'm talking about. I thought to myself, "Whore."

I think about people who won't work, and yet want everything handed to them. Oh, but only them. No assistance for anyone who wants/needs something different than their particular situation would allow for. After all, they're making a principled stand; these other folks are lazy and/or irresponsible. I think "Hypocrite."

I realized today that since joining this site I have learned how to be much, much nicer to my husband, but meaner to almost everyone else. More judgemental toward everyone else. This is not who I want to be.

I am not blaming the ladies on this site; I control my actions. I am responsible for my thoughts and my deeds. I do worry, however, that I have been allowing myself to be influenced to focus on outward aspects of other people, i.e., what they dress like, who they're around, how they obtain their money. I do not want this to be the sum of my interaction with the world around me.

I realize that I do need discernment. After all, I certainly am not going to dress like the mini-skirt lady (yeah, yeah, if for no other reason than I have no desire to get hypothermia on my thighs.) And maybe, if I have a daughter one day, I won't want her to dress like that. (Actually I know I won't; after all, I am my own best example of how judgemental people can be.) But I know nothing about that lady. She may be a whore. She may be someone with daring fashion sense, no fear about judgement from others, and a monogamous mother of twenty. Who exactly am I to judge? I am not qualified. There is only One who is qualified.

So what am I going to do, to make a new beginning for myself? I'm not sure yet. I think this requires more reflection and study. But I'm pretty sure that I am supposed to be kind to more than just my own family. So I guess I will have to start there.

Holidays and Sickness

Well, my poor kiddo is sick again. This time it's a raging ear infection and an attendant raging temperature. He's so miserable and I feel so bad for him.

I'm doubly bummed, because I don't know if we'll be able to join my family to celebrate Easter this Sunday. I miss my brothers, and I miss my niece. I don't get to see her often. I don't know how long my daddy will be with us, and I like to take the opportunity to see him too. But....attending an extremely loud family gathering with a sick child is not a good idea. So, I'm thinking we'll have to bow out.

Things on my mind

Well, I have a lot running around in the noggin, and I think it's best I let some of this out before somebody gets hurt. So, we're off to the races.

Okay, thing one: Courtship is silly, and putting the word Biblical in front of it makes it neither Biblical nor good. The idea of courtship is that parents have an enormous amount of control over who your future marriage partner will be, the two people involved are NEVER alone together (cuz they might have sex! that's immediately what happens when opposite sexes are alone together!) and there is never any hand holding, kissing, hugging, etc.

Well, let's see. What could be wrong with that? Well, first off, it assumes the parents have a CLUE about who is actually a good marriage partner for their child. It assumes the parents listen to God about this, instead of their own prejudices and social norms. It assumes that the child is too spiritually weak and intellectually stupid to have any idea who they should marry. If your child is actually ready for marriage, they're ready to pick their own marriage partner. If they're not ready to pick their own marriage partner, then, as a parent, YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED in that area of parenting! Sure, you still may be able to help them pick up the pieces after a bad marriage, or help them turn a bad marriage into a good one, but your lessons on "What is a good marriage" and "What makes a good spouse" were lost on deaf ears.

Secondly, it mistakenly assumes that lust cannot be had in the presence of others. Sure, maybe sex cannot be had in the presence of a good chaperone. But lust can be had in a classroom of 35; lust can be had in a packed baseball stadium. Lust can be had in your grandmother's parlor. You cannot stop someone else from having lustful thoughts. And frankly, the idea that two people would get married without having even the remotest lustful thought toward the other is unlikely and scary. Marriage is supposed to have passion. Want a good way to get your husband to file for divorce? How about telling him "I'm so glad to sleep with you in duty to the Lord." Yeah, that's exactly what most men want, right? Or women, for that matter. To assume that passion would not exist 30 seconds before the vows and comes into existence immediately after "you may kiss the bride" is naive.

How about raising your children, and then letting them live their lives when they are adults? What makes you so certain you have all the answers? And frankly, what makes you so certain that YOU are responsible for making choices for your adult children? Guess what? YOU are not perfect. Maybe, just maybe, you should focus on perfecting your own life rather than leaping to perfect the lives of others. Oh, and guess what.....That's Biblical.

And by the way, Biblical methods of "getting together" weren't necessarily good. Would you like to trade 14 years of labor for 2 daughters? Oh.....and yes, that's 2 daughters (and 2 maids) for ONE man. We don't treat women as a trading commodity anymore. For good reason.

Oh, and last thing on this subject (and yes, we're back on lust). Would you try to convince your children that they should never be angry? No. Yet we are told "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" in Eph 4:26. Do you feel compelled to keep your adult children awake until they're not angry anymore? Of course not.

Okay, thing two: When you say something like, "Oooh, I want to say something to you, I want to tell you what I really think of you, but that would be wrong and mean, so I won't" you're doing something worse than saying whatever it was. You're conveying the same basic message "I think lowly of you" and you're being a hypocrite and a snide backstabber. So if you're thinking it, and you feel you must convey that you're thinking it, then just say it. Otherwise, bite your tongue for real. Sheesh.

Third thing: Going to an immensely poor foreign country, preaching a gospel that says "Blessed are the poor," and living in a relative mansion.....guess what. Inconsistent. Anyone with a brain will see through you.

Okay, so I promise this blog won't be all criticism of others. I did, however, need to get some things off my chest, so viola!